The General Situation

Scorpio Rising

Rattlesnakes, tarantulas, wind scorpions, rats.... Just when you think you've seen it all, this happens.

Our housekeeper discovered it under the bathmat in our master bathroom (and killed it). Scorpions aren't generally a threat to humans, but I'm still glad I missed wasn't here. I was interested, however, to learn this from a local pest-control company's website): "Scorpions typically will eat other insects to stay nourished but if food is scarce they have the ability to slow down their metabolism to as little as one-third the typical rate so that they can stay alive for longer. Even with their metabolism lowered they can still sting when needed. Researchers have frozen scorpions overnight to test their survival skills. When those frozen scorpions are put in the sun the next day they thaw out and they simply walk away like nothing happened."

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Don't tell anyone, but Edward Snowden is in the house.

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I'm not sure I can explain why, but Diet Dr. Dynamite makes me laugh every time I look at it.

Something Old, Something New

One of my main goals while hosting houseguests is to come up with an activity that none of us have done before. A joint adventure disrupts the dynamic: instead of Adam and me yapping away pedantically, we all get the feeling of exploration.

During the recent visit from our friends Barry and John, we decided to try Cold Spring Tavern, an old stagecoach stop about 30 minutes away. The food wasn't more than fine, but the setting was fantastic.

On the way home, we walk around Santa Barbara for a bit. Another first for me: Coastal, one of the two new pot dispensaries shops to have opened in the past few weeks. To enter, you have to show ID (which they scan) and pass through a metal detector; the latter is undoubtedly because these businesses primarily deal in cash, because banks won't touch them until federal laws change. While Coastal was stylish and well-run, the place gave me a headache, and I don't know how anyone can work there. Next time I might pick up a few of the pre-rolled joints, as little houseguest favors. (I understand why these businesses want to appear upscale, but wouldn't it be great if someone named one Pothead or Stoner or something?)

New for Adam, meanwhile, was 1000 Steps Beach. I had gone down the stairs before, but I didn't get far on the sand. This time, we walked for a long while—and on the way back, a pod of dolphins swam parallel to us, just offshore, for 15 minutes.

We also went for a drink and dinner at the new-ish Rosewood Miramar resort. The bar was near perfect, and I regret not taking every previous guest there. I'm not sure about the shuffleboard court, though—it seems like a hazard for staff and patrons alike.

Last and possibly least, we played Cards Against Humanity, which Adam and I have owned for many years but never even opened. What happens during a Cards Against Humanity game stays there, so that's all I'll say about that.

Of course, there were also old favorites: Bettina restaurant, the farmer's market, and a hike on the trails above the house. Look closely at this photo and you'll see two people who don't think it's considerate to stay with the slower members of the group.

And even during old favorites, something new can happen....

Back to School

The daughter of a former work colleague of Adam's is attending the Cate School in nearby Carpinteria. We've met her a few times over the years, so naturally we offered to take her out to dinner sometime. A month into the school year, we got the text: She'd love to show us the campus. We had to go for lunch, not dinner, because the curfew is 6 p.m., and the meal was fine; the girl is truly lovely. But the campus is extraordinary! It had a rock-climbing wall, a gym, a recording studio, a break room where you can make toast, and so much more. It made me want to go back to high school (there and only there). I left convinced that every Cate student should have to spend a month in a public high school, so they know exactly what they were spared.

A few photos.... The third one is dorm rooms; the fourth is of the former chapel, now a non-denominational spiritual space.

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The last time Adam and I went to a Halloween party, we fretted over our costumes, ultimately taking the cheap way out by going as garden gnomes. Awkwardly, everyone thought of Travelocity, and I was working with Orbitz; no one thought it was amusing or cute. I vowed—not unlike Scarlett O'Hara arisen in the carrot field—that I would never go to a Halloween party again without throwing serious money at the costume conundrum.

Well, here we are. The charity that Adam is helping out has a Halloween benefit coming up, and by all accounts it's a wild party—a local rich guy hosts it, just for shits and giggles. The theme is Saints & Sinners, which I think we could safely ignore. The question is, what shall we go as? The problem is, Adam only wants to dress up as a duo of some kind, while I'd like to be Prince, obviously. The other problem is that he doesn't mind a pun costume, like a man in a bra stuffed with spice jars—a spice rack!—while I think the thrill of Halloween is in dressing up as someone else; being someone else, someone more whatever, for a few hours. I briefly considered Bruce and Caitlyn Jenner, but the charity is about LGBT+ issues, so that would be in dangerous taste. Also, drag is hard. 

We spent hours online, slowly going insane. I really didn't want to buy some Made in China schlock destined for landfill, but what else could we do? There's probably somewhere in L.A. or New York we could rent a costume; the last thing I need to deal with, however, is someone's cosplay stains. 

We ended up ordering cheap costumes online, and I have every intention of getting mine altered so it fits perfectly. No, I'm not telling what they are just yet. There's still time to come up with something better. Suggestions are welcome.

P.S. This is called asking for trouble.