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I'm just saying...

  • Prius drivers are the worst.
  • Someday I'd like to have a washing machine that's not at knee-level.
  • Train travel is better in the abstract.
  • Artists should have websites indicating where their works are on display, the way musicians' websites list upcoming shows.
  • Why is stand-up comedy in movies always so terrible?
  • Nothing kills the vibe at a restaurant bar like a laptop.
  • Is a "knowledge base" ever useful?
  • Houseguests are like newborns: Great pains should be taken to keep them asleep.
  • Sometimes I think everyone I know is on the spectrum.
  • Best to avoid any gas pump that also offers diesel.
  • Skip the exit interview.
  • When did car windshields get impossible to clean on the inside?
  • Cookbooks should be very clear about which recipe is featured on the cover.
  • Penne is the saddest pasta.
  • Don't eat a dish named after a volcano.
  • Nobody cares about your app.
  • It's time to remove that note at the end of your emails asking people not to print them.
  • If you think about it, gum is weird.
  • Business idea: TV channel devoted to terror attacks.
  • Please don't tell me about your favorite TV show.
  • The more reachable I've become, the less likely I am to answer my phone.

previous lyrics

  • It’s not safe to go out, it’s not right to stay home. Listen, my advice is to carry a gun
  • And anyways I'd rather listen to Coltrane than go through all that shit again
  • Up to Lexington, 125—feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
  • Whoever brought me here is gonna have to take me home
  • I hear you knockin', but there ain't nobody home
  • What's practical? What's logical? What the hell, who cares?
  • I don't know what I knew before, but now I know I want to win the war
  • Tell me something that you mean, not just what comes to mind
  • I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to
  • I see you driving sports cars, ain't hitting the throttle, and I'll be down to do a hundred, top down and goggles
  • Sing me another love song, but this time with a little dedication
  • You got a look in your eye when you're saying goodbye, like you want to say hi
  • I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

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07 June 2019

And the Winner Is...

Remember that bug that terrified me—and vice versa—every time I opened our mailbox? It now lives somewhere in Adam's car, because he grabbed the mail without looking at it first.

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In other insect news, I spotted this beauty today. It was about twice the size of what you see below and not at all skittish about my presence.

Butterfly in Montecito
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And in other wildlife news, just down the road from our driveway, Adam and I spotted what was either a husky coyote or a wolf. Sorry, no photo.

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Our friends Tracy and Evan were concerned about where they stood in the totally imaginary houseguest standings, so I had a trophy made. Before you pay, the company insists you check a box confirming that the spelling is correct.

Trophy
Trophy2
Me: The misspelling makes it more valuable.

Evan: It was already invaluable.

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Why is stand-up comedy always so terrible in movies? I'm thinking of The Big Sick and Problem Child, in particular, and it casts a shadow over Late Night, which otherwise looks like something I might enjoy.