Adam: [Crouching in front of window.]
Me: I think it only opens a few inches.
Adam: Oh.
Me: And you'll probably hurt yourself.
Adam: You're right. Can you do it?
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I'm just saying...
- Nothing kills the vibe at a restaurant bar like a laptop.
- Is a "knowledge base" ever useful?
- Houseguests are like newborns: Great pains should be taken to keep them asleep.
- Sometimes I think everyone I know is on the spectrum.
- Best to avoid any gas pump that also offers diesel.
- Skip the exit interview.
- When did car windshields get impossible to clean on the inside?
- Cookbooks should be very clear about which recipe is featured on the cover.
- Penne is the saddest pasta.
- Don't eat a dish named after a volcano.
- Nobody cares about your app.
- It's time to remove that note at the end of your emails asking people not to print them.
- If you think about it, gum is weird.
- Business idea: TV channel devoted to terror attacks.
- Please don't tell me about your favorite TV show.
- The more reachable I've become, the less likely I am to answer my phone.
previous lyrics
- Tell me something that you mean, not just what comes to mind
- I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to
- I see you driving sports cars, ain't hitting the throttle, and I'll be down to do a hundred, top down and goggles
- Sing me another love song, but this time with a little dedication
- You got a look in your eye when you're saying goodbye, like you want to say hi
- I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need
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