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I'm just saying...

  • Best to avoid any gas pump that also offers diesel.
  • Skip the exit interview.
  • When did car windshields get impossible to clean on the inside?
  • Cookbooks should be very clear about which recipe is featured on the cover.
  • Penne is the saddest pasta.
  • Don't eat a dish named after a volcano.
  • Nobody cares about your app.
  • It's time to remove that note at the end of your emails asking people not to print them.
  • If you think about it, gum is weird.
  • Business idea: TV channel devoted to terror attacks.
  • Please don't tell me about your favorite TV show.
  • The more reachable I've become, the less likely I am to answer my phone.

previous lyrics

  • Don't give me that bullshit, you know who I am. I'm your nightmare little man
  • Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor, not going left, not going right
  • Trust me, I'm a doctor. And you suffer from a rare form of attractiveness
  • It was love about to happen, I'm serious
  • I'll shake this world off my shoulders. Come on, baby, this laugh's on me
  • I'm hot, and I don't care who knows it. I got a job to do
  • I want to take you down to the side of the city where the sun doesn't shine and the moon isn't pretty
  • All I ask is to live each moment free from the past
  • No family is safe when I sashay
  • I never dreamt that I would get to be the creature that I always meant to be
  • I can't wait to put the icing on the cake
  • I'll see you and I'll raise you off the floor. I'll floor you and we'll dance without a band
  • Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend
  • Seems that I was busy doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before
  • Your eyes are burning holes through me. I'm gasoline. I'm burning clean
  • There's one year of my life in these songs, and some of them are about you
  • I'm not a slut! I just love love
  • Never stop living here till it eats the heart from your soul, keeps down the sound of your silent sigh
  • This will be the last time I ever do your hair
  • Maybe we could walk around, all day long. Walk around, all day long
  • They tell me God forgives you for almost anything you do
  • If you need me, I'll be where my reputation don't precede me

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11 August 2016

Say My Name

Me: This is Erik.

Caller: Hi, I'm calling from Audiobooks Incorporated* because we're preparing an audiobook that mentions your name, and we need to know how to pronounce it. Is it tor-kulls or tor-kehls?

Me: Huh?

Caller: I'm calling from Audiobooks—

Me: Sorry, no, totally got that part. It's tor-kehls. But what's the book?

Caller: The Innovator's Method by Nathan Fuhr and Jeff Dyer. It mentions, let's see, crowdsourcing you did at Budget Travel magazine.

Me: Imagine that! Well, thanks for asking.

Caller: Sure. You said tor-kehls, right?

Me: Yep. Like door-bells!

Caller: Uh, OK.

*No clue what the company's name actually was.

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