Make that dreams involving celebrities—just so it's clear that these aren't necessarily aspirational.
12/21/2012: Barack Obama and I took a nap together.
12/30: Kelly Ripa and I had breakfast.
1/1: Music executive Sylvia Rhone and I chatted with the owner of Duane Park restaurant.
1/2: A friend and I went for dinner at the restaurant inside Andy Grove's penthouse.
1/4: Christine Quinn's mother planned to chop down a tree on my property.
1/6: Gwyneth Paltrow told me in the elevator that she was moving out of our building, and then she cried.
1/8: John Doe and Exene Cervenka were our roommates, and we watched a Duke basketball game together, but they were rooting for the other team.
1/9: I crashed a private club with a bunch of Adam's colleagues. Steven Spielberg was among the members, and he was miffed.
1/19: I bought a copy of the new novel by Joan (or maybe Jackie) Collins. It was called Intimate Transmissions.
1/23: I visited Queen Elizabeth's castle on an island in the North Atlantic, but I forgot my passport so I couldn't leave without her special dispensation.
2/4: Tom Ford and I, among others, were in a restroom when the power went out.
2/20: My colleague Jennifer Aniston really wanted me to go to a party with her.
2/24: I was assigned to find Anna Wintour a bitter aperitif.
3/12: The members of One Direction were hiding out at my house, and friends kept coming over to photograph them.
4/22: Prince Harry was crashing at my place.
5/5: I ran into Cher at Whole Foods.
5/30: I advised the members of Bananarama to go back to their early sound.
6/6: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar walked by.
6/10: Kate Hudson was trying to foil a terrorist attack.
6/15: I had a meeting scheduled with Lamar Odom (who I think was supposed to be LeBron James).
6/25: I was planning a remake of The Witches of Eastwick with my roommates, two of whom were Kate Hudson and Jessica Chastain.
7/1: Drew Barrymore and I played one-on-one soccer for a magazine profile, and then I suggested we hang out sometime, and she declined.
7/10: Cheyenne Jackson made a cameo (in other words, I can't remember the details).
8/3: I was attending a fashion event at Buckingham Palace honoring Calvin Klein when Karl Lagerfeld approached and sneered, "The Queen does not wear Calvin Klein."
8/13: Adam and I got a ride on the Romney sons' space subway.
8/16: Prince William tried to teach me how to smoke a bowl.
8/19: Michelle Obama and I were having drinks at a convention in Hawaii, and then she jumped in President Obama's limo as it drove by, interrupting a TV interview he was doing and causing him to freak out.
8/21: I told my new roommate, Jennifer Aniston, how good she is when she's acting on the line between laughing and crying.
8/31: I visited a friend who worked for a company that insisted he put the John Mayer Shower Stall® in his apartment. (Mayer was evidently a client.)
9/10: I passed by Lena Dunham trying to hail a cab in the rain.
9/30: I mistook Mary-Louise Parker for my friend Laura.
10/20: At the supermarket, I spotted a shelf-stable package labeled "Survivalist Sushi," with a testimonial from Jennifer Garner.
10/23: At a barbecue, Bill Clinton offered to take me duck hunting, while Hillary remained aloof.
11/1: My parents threw a party and among the guests were Mike Bloomberg, Jean-Georges Vongerichten, and, slouching on an ottoman, Judy Davis.
11/21: A friend and I noticed wine writer Jancis Robinson having dinner at a bar.
11/26: I was seated next to Tilda Swinton at the movies and then a preview came on that included her dancing ballet.
12/6: James Franco barged into my house and just stood there, stoned.
12/23: Incoming NYPD chief Bill Bratton had officers break into my home because I had accused him of being insensitive.
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