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I'm just saying...

  • Tandem bikes: for the active codependent.
  • All public restrooms should have locks that indicate whether they're vacant or occupied.
  • I would pay extra for an edition of the New York Times with no opinion pieces.
  • Evite should run reviews and ratings from party guests.
  • Prius drivers are the worst.
  • Someday I'd like to have a washing machine that's not at knee-level.
  • Train travel is better in the abstract.
  • Artists should have websites indicating where their works are on display, the way musicians' websites list upcoming shows.
  • Why is stand-up comedy in movies always so terrible?
  • Nothing kills the vibe at a restaurant bar like a laptop.
  • Is a "knowledge base" ever useful?
  • Houseguests are like newborns: Great pains should be taken to keep them asleep.
  • Sometimes I think everyone I know is on the spectrum.

previous lyrics

  • Don't let the chlorine in your eyes blind you to the awful surprise
  • I think I lost it, let me know if you come across it
  • Time is like a clock in my heart
  • Walk beside me, not behind me. Feel my unconditional love
  • You always knew you were tired, but then where are your friends tonight?
  • It's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light
  • This may come as some surprise, but I miss you
  • I walked home smiling—I finally had a story to tell
  • I kissed you in a style Clark Gable would have admired. I thought it classic
  • If you knew how I felt now, you wouldn't act so adult now
  • Under the kitchen light, you still look like dynamite
  • The culture is lit, and if this is it, I had a ball
  • I was dreaming when I wrote this, so sue me if I go too fast
  • I never wanted to be your weekend lover
  • Sometimes I wish for a mistake
  • Downstairs the party is going full swing. The people we came with haven't noticed a thing
  • It’s not safe to go out, it’s not right to stay home. Listen, my advice is to carry a gun
  • And anyways I'd rather listen to Coltrane than go through all that shit again
  • Up to Lexington, 125—feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
  • Whoever brought me here is gonna have to take me home
  • I hear you knockin', but there ain't nobody home
  • What's practical? What's logical? What the hell, who cares?
  • I don't know what I knew before, but now I know I want to win the war
  • Tell me something that you mean, not just what comes to mind
  • I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to
  • I see you driving sports cars, ain't hitting the throttle, and I'll be down to do a hundred, top down and goggles
  • Sing me another love song, but this time with a little dedication
  • You got a look in your eye when you're saying goodbye, like you want to say hi
  • I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

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20 August 2013

I'm Just Saying...

Hey, Pandora: Just because I choose a male artist doesn't mean I only want to hear other male artists.

It has to hurt at least a little or it's not really compromise.

Facebook often has the weird effect of making me like my friends a little less.

The New York Times has a creepy obsession with the children of famous people.

I no longer miss Gwyneth Paltrow in the slightest. But I do miss Cate Blanchett.

Why was there never a cartoon series about the B-52's?

Dressing rooms should err on the side of cold.

I still think of Jennifer Jason Leigh as the Funsucker.

Nothing makes you question your life choices like blow-drying a pug.

Someone should create a superheroine called Spider-Mum.

Does the upside-down exclamation point have a name?

American agriculture has successfully bred all the flavor out of arugula.

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