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I'm just saying...

  • All public restrooms should have locks that indicate whether they're vacant or occupied.
  • I would pay extra for an edition of the New York Times with no opinion pieces.
  • Evite should run reviews and ratings from party guests.
  • Prius drivers are the worst.
  • Someday I'd like to have a washing machine that's not at knee-level.
  • Train travel is better in the abstract.
  • Artists should have websites indicating where their works are on display, the way musicians' websites list upcoming shows.
  • Why is stand-up comedy in movies always so terrible?
  • Nothing kills the vibe at a restaurant bar like a laptop.
  • Is a "knowledge base" ever useful?
  • Houseguests are like newborns: Great pains should be taken to keep them asleep.
  • Sometimes I think everyone I know is on the spectrum.
  • Best to avoid any gas pump that also offers diesel.
  • Skip the exit interview.
  • When did car windshields get impossible to clean on the inside?
  • Cookbooks should be very clear about which recipe is featured on the cover.
  • Penne is the saddest pasta.
  • Don't eat a dish named after a volcano.
  • Nobody cares about your app.
  • It's time to remove that note at the end of your emails asking people not to print them.
  • If you think about it, gum is weird.
  • Business idea: TV channel devoted to terror attacks.
  • Please don't tell me about your favorite TV show.
  • The more reachable I've become, the less likely I am to answer my phone.

previous lyrics

  • Time is like a clock in my heart
  • Walk beside me, not behind me. Feel my unconditional love
  • You always knew you were tired, but then where are your friends tonight?
  • It's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light
  • This may come as some surprise, but I miss you
  • I walked home smiling—I finally had a story to tell
  • I kissed you in a style Clark Gable would have admired. I thought it classic
  • If you knew how I felt now, you wouldn't act so adult now
  • Under the kitchen light, you still look like dynamite
  • The culture is lit, and if this is it, I had a ball
  • I was dreaming when I wrote this, so sue me if I go too fast
  • I never wanted to be your weekend lover
  • Sometimes I wish for a mistake
  • Downstairs the party is going full swing. The people we came with haven't noticed a thing
  • It’s not safe to go out, it’s not right to stay home. Listen, my advice is to carry a gun
  • And anyways I'd rather listen to Coltrane than go through all that shit again
  • Up to Lexington, 125—feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
  • Whoever brought me here is gonna have to take me home
  • I hear you knockin', but there ain't nobody home
  • What's practical? What's logical? What the hell, who cares?
  • I don't know what I knew before, but now I know I want to win the war
  • Tell me something that you mean, not just what comes to mind
  • I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to
  • I see you driving sports cars, ain't hitting the throttle, and I'll be down to do a hundred, top down and goggles
  • Sing me another love song, but this time with a little dedication
  • You got a look in your eye when you're saying goodbye, like you want to say hi
  • I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

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13 May 2013

Does Kristin Scott Thomas Work for You?

KST
If you're not using that barstool then kindly move away. Kristin Scott Thomas does not give a whit if your friend is arriving any minute now.

Kristin Scott Thomas should always be warned in advance if her presence is expected at a non-social engagement for longer than an hour.

It is not wise to tell Kristin Scott Thomas to call you, when you know very well that you have her number. Exception: Harvey Weinstein.

Until Kristin Scott Thomas has demonstrated patience, there's no point in thanking her for it.

Kristin Scott Thomas disapproves of your copying strangers on emails: Who are these people?

When Kristin Scott Thomas is carrying a large—and wildly hypothetical—package down the street, best to move out of her way. And stay on the right side of the pavement while you're at it. This isn't London.

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