I just finished reading Fire in the Belly, Cynthia Carr's thorough, moving biography of artist David Wojnarowicz. It's a big, interesting book—not remotely for everyone—with a lot to think about, not just regarding Wojnarowicz's life and work, but also identity, AIDS, the art world, and the way New York City has changed. But there were three moments—three sentences—that made a particularly powerful impact.
The first involved Wojnarowicz's friend and mentor, photographer Peter Hujar. He was dying, and he had grown increasingly difficult, alienating even the folks closest to him. Nonetheless, his friends gathered at his apartment for his 35th birthday. Writer Vince Aletti: "When his bed was surrounded by apprehensive friends, still tensed for the misstep that would send Peter into a tirade of denunciation, he looked up, smiled, and said, 'Pretend you're at a party.'"
After Hujar died, Wojnarowicz had a friend guard the hospital room's door while he took photos of Hujar's body. (That's one above.) "Before David left the room, he thought he should say some words to his friend. If there was a limbo or a bardo, he was there now and might be afraid, might be confused, might need reassurance. 'But nothing comes from my mouth,' David wrote. 'This is the most important event of my life and my mouth can't form words and maybe I'm the one who needs words, maybe I'm the one who needs reassurance and all I can do is raise my hands from my sides in helplessness and say, 'All I want is some sort of grace.'"
As Wojnarowicz's health worsened, he, too, took his anger out on friends. (Actually, he did that long before he got sick.) He went to Boston for an experimental treatment, not letting his boyfriend come with him. "The drug reaction lasted forty-eight hours. [...] But there was more than physical discomfort now. His fear of rejection and his refusal to let anyone comfort him was making him very miserable. 'My eyes hurt when I cry so I can't even fucking let it out," he wrote in his journal.
Below: "Untitled (One day this kid...)" by David Wojnarowicz
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