Birthdays would be a lot more special if not everybody had one.
Please don't use the word "gay" to mean "stupid"—not just to my face, but at all.
Facebook should let you create a list of companies you hate, so you won't have to see their ads.
Why do so many businesses with double doors keep one door locked?
No one wants to know how your flight was (unless the plane crashed).
I'm thinking of starting a fashion magazine called "Champagne & Cocaine."
Goldfish crackers were way cooler when they didn't smile.
When I say "LOL," I mean it.
I'd watch an HBO series called "Young Madonna."
DVDs of old movies should include trailers for other old movies.
Two pills beat one huge pill, every time.
I can still remember when I didn't even know what a periodontist was.
The phrase "name-brand" inevitably leads to disappointment.
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