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I'm just saying...

  • All public restrooms should have locks that indicate whether they're vacant or occupied.
  • I would pay extra for an edition of the New York Times with no opinion pieces.
  • Evite should run reviews and ratings from party guests.
  • Prius drivers are the worst.
  • Someday I'd like to have a washing machine that's not at knee-level.
  • Train travel is better in the abstract.
  • Artists should have websites indicating where their works are on display, the way musicians' websites list upcoming shows.
  • Why is stand-up comedy in movies always so terrible?
  • Nothing kills the vibe at a restaurant bar like a laptop.
  • Is a "knowledge base" ever useful?
  • Houseguests are like newborns: Great pains should be taken to keep them asleep.
  • Sometimes I think everyone I know is on the spectrum.
  • Best to avoid any gas pump that also offers diesel.
  • Skip the exit interview.
  • When did car windshields get impossible to clean on the inside?
  • Cookbooks should be very clear about which recipe is featured on the cover.
  • Penne is the saddest pasta.
  • Don't eat a dish named after a volcano.
  • Nobody cares about your app.
  • It's time to remove that note at the end of your emails asking people not to print them.
  • If you think about it, gum is weird.
  • Business idea: TV channel devoted to terror attacks.
  • Please don't tell me about your favorite TV show.
  • The more reachable I've become, the less likely I am to answer my phone.

previous lyrics

  • Time is like a clock in my heart
  • Walk beside me, not behind me. Feel my unconditional love
  • You always knew you were tired, but then where are your friends tonight?
  • It's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light
  • This may come as some surprise, but I miss you
  • I walked home smiling—I finally had a story to tell
  • I kissed you in a style Clark Gable would have admired. I thought it classic
  • If you knew how I felt now, you wouldn't act so adult now
  • Under the kitchen light, you still look like dynamite
  • The culture is lit, and if this is it, I had a ball
  • I was dreaming when I wrote this, so sue me if I go too fast
  • I never wanted to be your weekend lover
  • Sometimes I wish for a mistake
  • Downstairs the party is going full swing. The people we came with haven't noticed a thing
  • It’s not safe to go out, it’s not right to stay home. Listen, my advice is to carry a gun
  • And anyways I'd rather listen to Coltrane than go through all that shit again
  • Up to Lexington, 125—feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
  • Whoever brought me here is gonna have to take me home
  • I hear you knockin', but there ain't nobody home
  • What's practical? What's logical? What the hell, who cares?
  • I don't know what I knew before, but now I know I want to win the war
  • Tell me something that you mean, not just what comes to mind
  • I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to
  • I see you driving sports cars, ain't hitting the throttle, and I'll be down to do a hundred, top down and goggles
  • Sing me another love song, but this time with a little dedication
  • You got a look in your eye when you're saying goodbye, like you want to say hi
  • I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

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26 July 2012

What Would Kristin Scott Thomas Do?

KST
When Kristin Scott Thomas is not able to attend an event to which she has been invited, such as the Academy or César Awards, she sends her regrets without fail. (Unless she is invited via Facebook, obviously; those go ignored.)

No one places a hand on the back of Kristin Scott Thomas's neck whilst walking with her.

When she sees an able-bodied person using an electronic door opener meant for the handicapped, Kristin Scott Thomas invariably deduces that his disability must be mental.

Anyone holding a phone to his ear and speaking to Kristin Scott Thomas will not be receiving a response from her.

If Kristin Scott Thomas were in a supermarché, she would stand near the shelf she is perusing and not on the other side of the aisle.

Once she has finished her coffee at one of those American-style self-service cafés, Kristin Scott Thomas will hand you her demitasse if there's no obvious place to put it. If you don't actually work at the establishment, you should probably invest more effort in your attire.

Kristin Scott Thomas does not give a whit about the device from which you emailed her. Moreover, excuses made in advance for typographical errors aren't worth much, in her opinion.

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