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I'm just saying...

  • Tandem bikes: for the active codependent.
  • All public restrooms should have locks that indicate whether they're vacant or occupied.
  • I would pay extra for an edition of the New York Times with no opinion pieces.
  • Evite should run reviews and ratings from party guests.
  • Prius drivers are the worst.
  • Someday I'd like to have a washing machine that's not at knee-level.
  • Train travel is better in the abstract.
  • Artists should have websites indicating where their works are on display, the way musicians' websites list upcoming shows.
  • Why is stand-up comedy in movies always so terrible?
  • Nothing kills the vibe at a restaurant bar like a laptop.
  • Is a "knowledge base" ever useful?
  • Houseguests are like newborns: Great pains should be taken to keep them asleep.
  • Sometimes I think everyone I know is on the spectrum.

previous lyrics

  • Don't let the chlorine in your eyes blind you to the awful surprise
  • I think I lost it, let me know if you come across it
  • Time is like a clock in my heart
  • Walk beside me, not behind me. Feel my unconditional love
  • You always knew you were tired, but then where are your friends tonight?
  • It's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light
  • This may come as some surprise, but I miss you
  • I walked home smiling—I finally had a story to tell
  • I kissed you in a style Clark Gable would have admired. I thought it classic
  • If you knew how I felt now, you wouldn't act so adult now
  • Under the kitchen light, you still look like dynamite
  • The culture is lit, and if this is it, I had a ball
  • I was dreaming when I wrote this, so sue me if I go too fast
  • I never wanted to be your weekend lover
  • Sometimes I wish for a mistake
  • Downstairs the party is going full swing. The people we came with haven't noticed a thing
  • It’s not safe to go out, it’s not right to stay home. Listen, my advice is to carry a gun
  • And anyways I'd rather listen to Coltrane than go through all that shit again
  • Up to Lexington, 125—feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
  • Whoever brought me here is gonna have to take me home
  • I hear you knockin', but there ain't nobody home
  • What's practical? What's logical? What the hell, who cares?
  • I don't know what I knew before, but now I know I want to win the war
  • Tell me something that you mean, not just what comes to mind
  • I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to
  • I see you driving sports cars, ain't hitting the throttle, and I'll be down to do a hundred, top down and goggles
  • Sing me another love song, but this time with a little dedication
  • You got a look in your eye when you're saying goodbye, like you want to say hi
  • I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

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17 October 2011

I'm Nobody's Don't

I just received this email:

Dear Mr. Torkells:

I am a freelance researcher working with McGraw-Hill on a college textbook in which the authors would like to use a quotation that appeared in your article outlined below. I apologize but our deadline is a bit short, partly since our request languished with the New York Times for the last month. We look forward to your reply in the next few days. Please let me know if I can provide any further information. Thank you for your time!

Title: Engaging Question: A Guide to Writing 1e

Number of Pages: 768

Price: $90

Estimated Publication Date: 12/30/11

Binding: Softcover

Print Run: First printing: 58,000; Life of Edition: 70,000

eBook: life of edition, 5,000 copies, accessed on secure site, password protection; Connect: life of edition, 30,000 copies, accessed on secure site, password protection, an instruction site for both instructors and students which contains book content plus instruction tools.

We request your permission to include the following material in this and all subsequent editions of the Work, as well as print and electronic versions of the Work, ancillary products, and derivative works in the English language, throughout the world. Versions may be made by nonprofit organizations for use by the blind or physically handicapped persons.

+/- 125 words from "Metropolitan Diary" by Erik Torkells. From The New York Times, Nov. 16, 2009, p. A22. [NYT has directed us to you as they do not hold these publication rights.]

Please indicate agreement by signing and returning the enclosed copy of this letter.

Sincerely,

[Name redacted]

At first I was tickled. And then....

Hi, [name]. Is it possible to get the context in which it would be quoted? Sorry to make this harder for you, but I'm not especially interested in being cited as an example of how not to write.

(The odds are 50/50 that I'm in the Overuse of Adverbs section.)

UPDATE: It's all good. My anecdote is in the Interpreting Experiences chapter, cited as an example of a good angle.

UPDATE #2: I just noticed the "fee" line! I'm getting money for this!

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