The General Situation: Hotels! Lawsuits! Nipples!

I'm just saying...

Tandem bikes: for the active codependent.
All public restrooms should have locks that indicate whether they're vacant or occupied.
I would pay extra for an edition of the New York Times with no opinion pieces.
Evite should run reviews and ratings from party guests.
Prius drivers are the worst.
Someday I'd like to have a washing machine that's not at knee-level.
Train travel is better in the abstract.
Artists should have websites indicating where their works are on display, the way musicians' websites list upcoming shows.
Why is stand-up comedy in movies always so terrible?
Nothing kills the vibe at a restaurant bar like a laptop.
Is a "knowledge base" ever useful?
Houseguests are like newborns: Great pains should be taken to keep them asleep.
Sometimes I think everyone I know is on the spectrum.

previous lyrics

Don't let the chlorine in your eyes blind you to the awful surprise
I think I lost it, let me know if you come across it
Time is like a clock in my heart
Walk beside me, not behind me. Feel my unconditional love
You always knew you were tired, but then where are your friends tonight?
It's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light
This may come as some surprise, but I miss you
I walked home smiling—I finally had a story to tell
I kissed you in a style Clark Gable would have admired. I thought it classic
If you knew how I felt now, you wouldn't act so adult now
Under the kitchen light, you still look like dynamite
The culture is lit, and if this is it, I had a ball
I was dreaming when I wrote this, so sue me if I go too fast
I never wanted to be your weekend lover
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
Downstairs the party is going full swing. The people we came with haven't noticed a thing
It’s not safe to go out, it’s not right to stay home. Listen, my advice is to carry a gun
And anyways I'd rather listen to Coltrane than go through all that shit again
Up to Lexington, 125—feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
Whoever brought me here is gonna have to take me home
I hear you knockin', but there ain't nobody home
What's practical? What's logical? What the hell, who cares?
I don't know what I knew before, but now I know I want to win the war
Tell me something that you mean, not just what comes to mind
I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to
I see you driving sports cars, ain't hitting the throttle, and I'll be down to do a hundred, top down and goggles
Sing me another love song, but this time with a little dedication
You got a look in your eye when you're saying goodbye, like you want to say hi
I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

Hotels! Lawsuits! Nipples!

The people who own the house we're renting in Connecticut love themselves some magazines. They appear to subscribe to Tatler, Vanity Fair U.K., World of Interiors, Elle Decor, a couple Connecticut ones, one about American history (I don't remember the name, but one cover line was "J.P. Morgan's Dagger"), The New Yorker.... There are others I can't remember. Some of the issues are sitting exactly where they were when we rented the house three years ago, not that staleness is such a problem with interiors magazines.

I hadn't looked at Tatler, new to the house, since I left Town & Country in, oh, 1996, but I remembered it fondly. I don't care about that subject matter, never really did, but Tatler always had a delicious attitude that American magazines don't even aspire to. I once went to a magazine-making seminar where the esteemed editor leading it said that the best possible cover line for an article about a beach house was "Sand Castle."

I can't say whether Tatler is still serving sass inside, but the editors are offering a symposium in writing awesome cover lines. It certainly helps that the reader demo is rich, educated, and limited, but still. This is impressive stuff. (The "What to Wear" one is notably most for its sheer bravado.) For maximum effect, try saying them like Magda in "Absolutely Fabulous." (See from 3:50 to 5:00; she's the one on the phone.)