The General Situation

A Frog Croaks

The house we're renting in Connecticut is called Frog Farm, but we tend to hear more frogs than we see. The other day, a small frog was hanging out on one of the swimming pool steps, so I caught it and carried it the 25 yards to the pond. As I walked with it cradled in my hands, I told it not to worry, that I was helping it, that it would be much happier in the pond. At the water's edge, remembering how last time I lofted the frog a bit too high and far, I gently tossed it a couple feet away. A split second after the frog landed, something huge—another frog?—lunged from underneath and presumably ate it. Never have the possible ill effects of good intentions seemed so stark.

The 365-Song Mixtape (#100–114)

101. Don't Give Up on Me by Solomon Burke (Don't Give Up on Me)
Adam and I saw Solomon Burke perform—sitting in his throne—after this record came out. A legend.

102. Sometimes I Don't Get You by Yo La Tengo (I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass)
When I was frustrated at Budget Travel, I used to look forward to Molly McAleer's segments on Defamer. When she left that gig, she and a friend made a farewell video with "Sometimes I Don't Get You" as the soundtrack; it was set at that lamppost installation at LACMA, and even seeing a photo of that will ignite this song in my head for days (4 daze, I mean).

103. Regrets by Eurythmics (Touch)
Were Eurythmics intentionally impersonating Grace Jones?

104. Jackson by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line)
Walk the Line was a great movie with some soggy parts, but Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon were spectacular, not least of all because they did their own singing. I recently rewatched most of the film while on a plane, and of course the flight ended right before the part I was dying to see. Their version of "It Ain't Me Babe" may also make this list.

105. Kisses on the Wind by Neneh Cherry (Raw Like Sushi)
People thought Neneh Cherry was hip-hop!

106. The Bottle by Gil Scott-Heron & Brian Jackson (Super Rare Disco Vol. 2)
Now that's a groove. Bonus points for the flute not being too annoying.

107. Nip It in the Bud by the B-52's (Party Mix/Mesopotamia)
For all their famed wackiness, the B-52's didn't cut loose often. And then there's "Nip It in the Bud,"  the last track off their Mesopotamia EP, which perhaps only I liked.

108. The Origin of Love by Hedwig & the Angry Inch (Hedwig & the Angry Inch)
I remember the first time I heard this song. My friend Kristen and I were driving somewhere in Huntington Beach, and she put it on the stereo, saying she knew I'd love it. She was right. The movie hit me the same way—I watched it in my apartment, totally enthralled, and when I needed to go the bathroom I stood up and froze. I couldn't imagine pausing it.

109. Drowned World/Substitute for Love by Madonna (Ray of Light)
Madonna has umpteen better songs, and this might be when she began to lose her pop touch. (Why do singers think we care about their inner lives? "I traded fame for love" is not a relatable problem.) And yet the surprise of it—of it being the lead track to the record, of there not being a traditional structure or hook, of all that humming—I don't know, I've always loved it.

110. Fool for a Country Tune by Dusty Trails (Dusty Trails)
Someone needs to remake this right now. Shelby Lynne? Joaquin and Reese? Reese solo?

111. Middle Distance Runner by Sea Wolf
It's sexy when people sing about their limitations.

112. Foundations by Kate Nash (Made of Bricks)
Kate Nash got lumped in with Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen, but for my money only the latter makes sense. How can such a bitter, brittle song be so catchy and fun?

113. Love Letters by Ketty Lester (Blue Velvet)
Maybe Shelby Lynne could revisit "Love Letters" while she's at it. Does she have the chops? Adele, let's get that covers album going.

114. Lost Coastlines by Okkervil River
I think I know what this song is about, but I'm not positive, and I refuse to listen too closely or look up the lyrics because I don't want to break the spell it has on me. Whenever the second lead singer, in particular, sings, I stop what I'm doing and listen. His voice is such a throwback.

Should've Bought It When I Had the Chance

I'm Just Saying...

• Barbara Walters looks like a talking walnut.

• You know you're old when you're sore from gardening.

• I don't ever want to "video chat."

• Beyoncé always sounds so angry.

• If our thickening middles were countable like rings, could we find a way to respect them?

• Bunny x frog = pug.

• Avoid reflective surfaces for one hour after running.

• An increasing percentage of my life is in the cloud.

• Unscented, always.

• If one of your business's double doors is permanently locked, then slap a sign on it.

• If I were the editor of the New York Times, we would only review books once—especially ones we don't think are all that good.

• How come suburban buildings don't seem to need scaffolding as much as city ones do?

Previous Lyrics

This doesn't have to be the big get-even. This doesn't have to be anything at all (Stevie Nicks & Tom Petty, "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around")

You were sitting, your fingers like fuses; your eyes were cinnamon (Beth Orton, "Stolen Car")

I have one thing to say: You better work (RuPaul, "Supermodel")

Come on and crawl up to your window, darlin'—let me whisper in your ear (Cowhoy Junkies, "Shining Moon")

Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor, not going left, not going right (Liza Minnelli, "Losing My Mind")

That stuff you play, it sounds so passé. Don't get me wrong, I like you—but I don't like your band (Annie, "I Don't Like Your Band")

Here comes that feeling that I'd forgotten—how strange these streets feel when you're alone on them (Cowboy Junkies, "Sun Comes Up, It's Tuesday Morning")

You'd sell your soul for a tacky song, like the ones you hear on the radio. Turn around and ask yourself: Manchild, will you ever win? (Neneh Cherry, "Manchild")

You've got my conscience on the trot. You've got me walking round the block. You've got me searching for experience (Momus, "London 1888")

And the sunlight shining through the crack in the windowpane numbs my brain (Van Morrison, "T.B. Sheets")

If this is redemption, why do I bother at all? There's nothing to mention, and nothing has changed (James Vincent McMorrow, "We Don't Eat")

Put Some Quotation Marks Around That

Hotels! Lawsuits! Nipples!

The people who own the house we're renting in Connecticut love themselves some magazines. They appear to subscribe to Tatler, Vanity Fair U.K., World of Interiors, Elle Decor, a couple Connecticut ones, one about American history (I don't remember the name, but one cover line was "J.P. Morgan's Dagger"), The New Yorker.... There are others I can't remember. Some of the issues are sitting exactly where they were when we rented the house three years ago, not that staleness is such a problem with interiors magazines.

I hadn't looked at Tatler, new to the house, since I left Town & Country in, oh, 1996, but I remembered it fondly. I don't care about that subject matter, never really did, but Tatler always had a delicious attitude that American magazines don't even aspire to. I once went to a magazine-making seminar where the esteemed editor leading it said that the best possible cover line for an article about a beach house was "Sand Castle."

I can't say whether Tatler is still serving sass inside, but the editors are offering a symposium in writing awesome cover lines. It certainly helps that the reader demo is rich, educated, and limited, but still. This is impressive stuff. (The "What to Wear" one is notably most for its sheer bravado.) For maximum effect, try saying them like Magda in "Absolutely Fabulous." (See from 3:50 to 5:00; she's the one on the phone.)

Double Your Pug

Fun With Family

Adam's grandmother and aunt are visiting us in Litchfield, and last night, we went to West Street Grill, a restaurant in town. Upon returning from the restroom, Adam reported that he used the women's room by accident. He had figured the G on one of the two doors stood for "gentlemen," but only after he was done did he realize that it must have stood for "girls," because the other door had a B on it (for "boys"). When his grandmother came back from the restroom, Adam asked if she chose the door marked B or G. "Well, I chose B," she said. "G is for gentlemen, so B had to be for 'bitches.'"

Why Is This Even an Option?