The other night Adam and I went with some friends to see Joan Collins "tell stories" at Feinstein's at the Regency. Instead of the nice main room, however, where Stefanie Powers was singing, Joan was off in a somewhat sad "ballroom." There were hints that the whole evening would be an exercise in sadness, especially the screen onstage that had a slide reading "One Night With... Joan" in a crappy scrawled font. (Forget that she was there for 11 nights.) Sure enough, Joan took the audience through a PowerPoint presentation on her life. And yet as much as it felt as if we were on a cruise ship, Joan was a hoot: She has a marvelous sense of humor about herself, and she looked fantastic; we should all be able to pull off black sequined pants and an off-the-shoulder top. I tried to take notes, but I gave up because Joan moved very quickly and it was too dark to read what I was writing. Here's what I remember:
1. Early on, Joan announced she could do the splits, and then she demonstrated it (or at least I assume she did, because she dipped below our sightline). Then she announced, "That's why they used to call me the British Open!"
2. While in their shared dresing room for "Night of 100 Stars," Bette Davis said to her, "You almost have that dress on, dear."
3. In 1969, her husband at the time, Anthony Newley, wrote a movie titled Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? He cast Joan in it as a character named Polyester Poontang.
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