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I'm just saying...

  • Tandem bikes: for the active codependent.
  • All public restrooms should have locks that indicate whether they're vacant or occupied.
  • I would pay extra for an edition of the New York Times with no opinion pieces.
  • Evite should run reviews and ratings from party guests.
  • Prius drivers are the worst.
  • Someday I'd like to have a washing machine that's not at knee-level.
  • Train travel is better in the abstract.
  • Artists should have websites indicating where their works are on display, the way musicians' websites list upcoming shows.
  • Why is stand-up comedy in movies always so terrible?
  • Nothing kills the vibe at a restaurant bar like a laptop.
  • Is a "knowledge base" ever useful?
  • Houseguests are like newborns: Great pains should be taken to keep them asleep.
  • Sometimes I think everyone I know is on the spectrum.

previous lyrics

  • Don't let the chlorine in your eyes blind you to the awful surprise
  • I think I lost it, let me know if you come across it
  • Time is like a clock in my heart
  • Walk beside me, not behind me. Feel my unconditional love
  • You always knew you were tired, but then where are your friends tonight?
  • It's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light
  • This may come as some surprise, but I miss you
  • I walked home smiling—I finally had a story to tell
  • I kissed you in a style Clark Gable would have admired. I thought it classic
  • If you knew how I felt now, you wouldn't act so adult now
  • Under the kitchen light, you still look like dynamite
  • The culture is lit, and if this is it, I had a ball
  • I was dreaming when I wrote this, so sue me if I go too fast
  • I never wanted to be your weekend lover
  • Sometimes I wish for a mistake
  • Downstairs the party is going full swing. The people we came with haven't noticed a thing
  • It’s not safe to go out, it’s not right to stay home. Listen, my advice is to carry a gun
  • And anyways I'd rather listen to Coltrane than go through all that shit again
  • Up to Lexington, 125—feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive
  • Whoever brought me here is gonna have to take me home
  • I hear you knockin', but there ain't nobody home
  • What's practical? What's logical? What the hell, who cares?
  • I don't know what I knew before, but now I know I want to win the war
  • Tell me something that you mean, not just what comes to mind
  • I don't know my future after this weekend, and I don't want to
  • I see you driving sports cars, ain't hitting the throttle, and I'll be down to do a hundred, top down and goggles
  • Sing me another love song, but this time with a little dedication
  • You got a look in your eye when you're saying goodbye, like you want to say hi
  • I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need

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30 November 2010

If I Were the Pope, I'd Be Worried About Male Prostitutes, Too

Pope-benedict-saturno-hat
What I learned in the New York Times during the month of November....

11/1: Gabriel García Márquez is working on a novel, We'll Meet in August. 11/2: Jean-Luc Goddard, who is due to receive an honorary Academy Award in 2012, has long held anti-Jewish views. 11/3: Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi, under fire for intervening with the police on behalf of an underage woman, said, "It's better to be passionate about beautiful women than gay." Plus: A 10-year-old girl in Spain gave birth. Plus: Defeated Nevada Senate candidate Sharron Angle believed that insurance companies shouldn't be required to cover mammograms. 11/4: In Washington D.C., buildings may not be taller than 130 feet. 11/5: Universities with large classes are encouraging students to watch online. Plus: The long-delayed Spider-Man musical has cost $50 million so far. 11/6: U.S. New & World Report will no longer print a monthly magazine. Plus: Actress Jill Clayburgh died. Plus: The U.S. Embassy in Oslo reportedly spied on Norwegian civilians for more than 10 years. Plus: Democratic candidates were elected governor in Illinois and Connecticut. 11/7: Presumptive speaker of the House John Boehner is known to cry as a result of children, soldiers, and his own upbringing. 11/8: Planters is updating its mascot, Mr. Peanut, by giving him a gray flannel coat and Robert Downey Jr.'s voice. 11/9: The Frank Gehry–designed Ohr-O'Keefe Museum of Art opened in Biloxi, Miss. 11/10: South Carolina governor Mark Sanford is still dating his Argentinean "soul mate." Plus: When George W. Bush was a teenager, his mother miscarried and handed him a jar containing the remains of the fetus, which she was saving to take to the hospital. 11/11: Air-shipping prices for big retailers are about 70 percent less than for a small company. 11/12: Even after one of its ships lost electricity for 72 hours, Carnival made passengers pay for hard alcohol. 11/13: A brother and sister in England were surprised when a Chinese vase they found in their family's attic sold at auction for $69.5 million. 11/14: Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska appears to be winning her election as a write-in candidate. 11/15: Arizona became the fifteenth state to approve medical marijuana. Plus: Some reusable shopping bags made in China have been found to contain lead. 11/16: The best field-level seats at Yankee Stadium now cost $260. 11/17: The Bloomberg administration is considering extending the 7 subway train to Secaucus, N.J. 11/18: Arizona's immigration crackdown has cost the state $45 million this year as a result of lost convention business. 11/19: German residents may request to have their residences blurred in Google Street View. Plus: Traffic circles and roundabouts are not the same thing. Plus: Republicans in Congress refused to attend a dinner with President Obama. 11/20: Congressional leaders are allowed to go around airport security. 11/21: Pope Benedict XVI said the use of condoms was justified in some cases, such as for male prostitutes. 11/22: Abortion is mostly illegal in Thailand. 11/23: Four out of five American meals do not include vegetables. 11/24: In 2009, S.C. Johnson spent $359.4 million on advertising in major media. 11/25: The Department of Homeland Security is abandoning its color-coded alert system. 11/26: The National Rifle Association has filed lawsuits in Texas that would allow 18-year-olds to have concealed firearms. Plus: Three teenagers survived 50 days of being adrift on a dinghy in the Pacific. 11/27: "Sand roses" are small encrustations under the Arabian desert's surface. 11/28: Natalie Portman is dating New York City Ballet dancer Benjamin Millepied. 11/29: Libya's Col Muammar el-Qaddafi is rarely seen without a voluptuous blond woman described as his "Ukrainian nurse." 11/30: Two of Iran's top nuclear scientists were assassinated.

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