Last weekend, Adam and I were chatting with the gardener who does the landscaping at the house we rent in Connecticut. Adam brought up the never-ending rain, all anyone talks about this summer. "Tell me about it!" she said. "My friend asked me if I was picking mushrooms out of my ass yet." The vividness of the phrase was laudable, and yet, I also thought, Kristin Scott Thomas would never say that. Which got me to thinking about more ways Kristin Scott Thomas can be an role model for us all.
• Though she understands that health officials recommend the practice, Kristin Scott Thomas does not feel right coughing into the crook of her arm. Is it not preferable to avoid coughing in public?
• Kristin Scott Thomas can't even imagine lifting the bowl of guacamole—or any dip—so that she may access the last smear that is stuck to the side.
• Tempting as it may be, Kristin Scott Thomas would not inform her dry cleaners that its new poster misspells "professional." She was fortunate to have an above-average education, and she endeavors not to flaunt it.
• Kristin Scott Thomas neither takes nor makes phone calls while standing on a subway-station stairway.
• Were Kristin Scott Thomas to serve a spinach salad that included feta, only realizing afterward that the cheese wasn't as fresh as it might have been, she would not announce postprandially, "I think that feta was rancid."
• If you are walking anywhere near Kristin Scott Thomas, you need not worry that she will stop right in front of you without any warning.
• Perhaps because she herself has a name prone to be misspelled, Kristin Scott Thomas makes every effort to spell others' names correctly.
• While it is unknown whether Kristin Scott Thomas has a dog—perhaps a Jack Russell terrier named Marcel?—she would not tote her dog into a restaurant or café (unless she's in France, where doing so is de rigueur). Flouting laws puts the restaurateur in an awkward position, and leaves law-abiding patrons feeling resentful.
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