People were more interesting when we knew less about them.
New pet peeve: faucets that are too short, so your hands rub up against the side of the sink.
Pocket doors are unsatisfying.
Business idea: rentable art.
New goal: Don't die in a way that makes it to Facebook's "Trending" list.
I have never wanted breakfast all day at McDonald's, but I have often wanted French fries before 11 a.m.
Nothing makes you sound old quite like using the word "millennials."
Don't talk in hotel hallways.
Mini-storage facilities should hold garage sale days.
Facebook feels about birthdays the way I did when I was eight years old.
I wish credit-card companies could send an alert when a refund has been processed.
It's only nagging if I have to ask more than once.
Do authors like to inscribe books because it makes getting rid of them much harder?
Hashtagged phrases at the end of social media posts always sound like Tourette's Syndrome outbursts.
Modern comedy relies too heavily on haplessness.