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  • Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend
  • Seems that I was busy doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before
  • Your eyes are burning holes through me. I'm gasoline. I'm burning clean
  • There's one year of my life in these songs, and some of them are about you
  • I'm not a slut! I just love love
  • Never stop living here till it eats the heart from your soul, keeps down the sound of your silent sigh
  • This will be the last time I ever do your hair
  • Maybe we could walk around, all day long. Walk around, all day long
  • They tell me God forgives you for almost anything you do
  • If you need me, I'll be where my reputation don't precede me

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November 2016

26 November 2016

10 November 2016

I'm just saying...

  • It's time to remove that note at the end of your emails asking people not to print them.
  • If you think about it, gum is weird.
  • Business idea: TV channel devoted to terror attacks.
  • Please don't tell me about your favorite TV show.
  • The more reachable I've become, the less likely I am to answer my phone.
  • People were more interesting when we knew less about them.
  • New pet peeve: faucets that are too short, so your hands rub up against the side of the sink.
  • Pocket doors are unsatisfying.
  • Business idea: rentable art.
  • New goal: Don't die in a way that makes it to Facebook's "Trending" list.
  • I have never wanted breakfast all day at McDonald's, but I have often wanted French fries before 11 a.m.
  • Nothing makes you sound old quite like using the word "millennials."
  • Don't talk in hotel hallways.
  • Mini-storage facilities should hold garage sale days.
  • Facebook feels about birthdays the way I did when I was eight years old.
  • I wish credit-card companies could send an alert when a refund has been processed.
  • It's only nagging if I have to ask more than once.
  • Do authors like to inscribe books because it makes getting rid of them much harder?
  • Hashtagged phrases at the end of social media posts always sound like Tourette's Syndrome outbursts.
  • Modern comedy relies too heavily on haplessness.