The General Situation

Ho Ho Ho

Adam and I were walking to dinner when a car pulled up next to us. "Guys! Guys!" yelled the young woman from the passenger seat window. We stopped, expecting to be asked how to get to the Holland Tunnel, or Greenwich Village, or Brooklyn. "Do either of you want a massage?" When we stopped laughing I asked her if she had any men in the car.

P.S. Adam still doesn't think she was a prostitute.

Don't Rub It In

Complaints Dept.

I wanted to rent a P.O. box for Tribeca Citizen, because I don't love broadcasting my address all over town. I tried Mail Boxes Etc., but it was 12 times more expensive that the post office. Naturally, it took me five visits to the post office before the cryptkeeper P.O. box matron was there (and no, no one else would be able to help me). She explained that to open a business account—that is, for them to "box" mail addressed to Tribeca Citizen—I'd need to bring a lease or proof of mortgage with the business's name and address on it. I was nonplussed. The form made no mention of the requirement. Besides, I operate Tribeca Citizen out of my home. If I had an actual office, why would I need a P.O. box? I offered to bring in the statement for the Tribeca Citizen bank account, but I was told that only a lease or proof of mortage would do. "And this is why you'll fail," I said, but she didn't seem to care.

Swimming in Bliss

You may recall how I don't much like the seedy indoor pool I currently swim in. A few days in Santa Barbara, swimming at the Coral Casino club, didn't help: The pool is the best one I've ever seen, seven lanes, 50 meters long, on a bluff overlooking the Pacific—and rarely anyone in it. I swam so happily, so giddily, watching the seagulls overhead as I did backstroke, shutting my eyes intermittently during the breaststroke because the sun was shining in my eyes. And the locker room was like something out of an Amanresort.

Back in New York, I went to the pool knowing it wouldn't compare—and it didn't. But by the time I finished, I was feeling good. I came right back down again when I discovered a bunch of chunk white tuna in one of the locker room's sinks.

The odds are decent it'll still be there tomorrow.

This Bug Stopped Me Cold

My letter to whatsthatbug.com: "I saw this creature slowly crossing a sidewalk in Venice Beach, California, and I couldn't even begin to guess what it might be. (And I grew up in the area.) I should've put something near it for scale; I'd say it was around 2.5 inches long. Thanks for any help you can give!"