• Barbara Walters looks like a talking walnut.
• You know you're old when you're sore from gardening.
• I don't ever want to "video chat."
• Beyoncé always sounds so angry.
• If our thickening middles were countable like rings, could we find a way to respect them?
• Bunny x frog = pug.
• Avoid reflective surfaces for one hour after running.
• An increasing percentage of my life is in the cloud.
• Unscented, always.
• If one of your business's double doors is permanently locked, then slap a sign on it.
• If I were the editor of the New York Times, we would only review books once—especially ones we don't think are all that good.
• How come suburban buildings don't seem to need scaffolding as much as city ones do?
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