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celebrity dreams

previous lyrics

  • But if you hurt what's mine, I'll sure as hell retaliate
  • I'm like a boy among men. I'd like a permanent friend. I'd like to think that I was just myself again
  • And of course you're a bore—but in that you're not charmless
  • You've changed—you're more vulnerable now. But the arrogance you had was beautiful somehow
  • I'll take Manhattan in a garbage bag with Latin written on it that says, "It's hard to give a shit these days"
  • Old gypsy woman spoke to me, said, “You're a wolf, boy, get out of this town”
  • Save the cool white stare and treat me to an honest face sometime
  • Roll me in designer sheets—I'll never get enough
  • Tell me, what's your zip code baby? Did you ever let a cowboy sit on your lap?
  • I got my cat moves, that so upset them
  • Peel back the mountains, peel back the sky. Stomp gravity into the floor
  • He was waiting for a station just like some people wait for a train
  • You get these words wrong. I just smile
  • Do you really think you can just put it in a safe behind a painting, lock it up, and leave?
  • Do you never rest fighting the battle of who could care less?
  • What is wrong in my life that I must get drunk every night?
  • Never trust a big butt and a smile

22 October 2015

13 October 2015

29 September 2015

21 September 2015

09 September 2015

I'm just saying...

  • Facebook feels about birthdays the way I did when I was eight years old.
  • I wish credit-card companies could send an alert when a refund has been processed.
  • It's only nagging if I have to ask more than once.
  • Do authors like to inscribe books because it makes getting rid of them much harder?
  • Hashtagged phrases at the end of social media posts always sound like Tourette's Syndrome outbursts.
  • Modern comedy relies too heavily on haplessness.
  • Chipotle should have a Burritomobile.
  • Why do umbrellas come with covers?
  • I'm thinking of writing a screwball comedy porn movie.
  • "Who knew?" means "Who cares?" at least 85% of the time.
  • I have no interest in a wi-fi-enabled refrigerator, but I wouldn't mind a washing machine and dryer that ping my phone when they're done. Or even simply a timer.
  • I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested in watching "Serial."
  • Is there a reason vitamins taste so awful?
  • I'm still pissed off about "The Goldfinch."
  • Movie characters say other characters' names far more than people do in real life.
  • I wish takeout containers didn't have scalloped edges.
  • Who reads all those TV recaps?
  • Isn't being "in fashion" just another way of saying you look like everyone else?